I Hope You Find It
by K-OfTheSouthernIsles
Summary: This is a story of the life James possibly left behind in Big Time Audition. This is a possible life that James Diamond left behind to become famous.
1. These Clouds Aren't Going No Where, Baby

Today has been rough. James spent the day packing his clothes. We'd been fighting for a few days, since the audition, really. Not that I am not happy for him, but honestly I don't want him to go. We've been together 3 years. His face is red. Mine is tear streaked. I stand in the door frame as he folds clothes in another suitcase. This is it.

"James,-." My voice squeaks.

"No." He zips his bag, setting it by the others. "This is my chance to get out of this town. To have a better life. This is my dream coming true."

"I know that."

"Then, why are making this so hard?"

I force myself to keep my mouth shut to avoid gasping and crying out loud. My heart is being torn to pieces. Then, he starts moving the bags out the front door. No sign of emotion. Just a hard set jaw. His bags are packed and waiting for Kendall's mom to come by. He brushes past me in the hallway for his last bag.

"Daddy?" Trinity, our 2 year old daughter, stands up from the living room floor.

"Mommy? Why you crying?" I walk over and sink to my knees in front of the couch and wrap my arms around her. No words will help her understand, and even if there were some, I couldn't say them.

"Daddy?" Her voice is inflicted with confusion as she watches him walk away.

"Daddy!" She pushes my arms off her and runs at him, attaching to his legs. He stops. He's leaving us, but he stills loves her. James squats down and smiles at the tiny, girl version of himself. His eyes dart over her face, taking in details. Lord, how he adores that little girl.

"I love you, Trinity. Daddy loves you so much. Always remember that, please?" The little strand of chestnut hair hanging over her eyes, he pushes back. After kissing her forehead, he pulls her in and to his chest. "I love you. You'll always be in my heart. You're daddy's girl."

"Be a good girl. Okay?" Another kiss is pressed to her little cheek, and she kisses him back. Their smiles match each other. Her arms wraps around his neck as much as possible.

"Give your best love some more sugar?" He puckers up and she kisses him one last time.

"I love you, Daddy." She smiles. He stands up, letting go of her hand slowly. The mini van pulls up out front.

"I love you. I love both of you." The bags go over his shoulder and he is gone without leaving a trace of his existence here, aside from Trinity and the pictures. Oh, and the little one nudging around the inside of my tummy.

I hadn't told him yet. We're just 17. He probably would have left anyways.

I reach in my pocket, pulling out my phone. His number is first and I dial it, but of course no answer. A voice mail would have suffice.

"James. I have something I need you to hear. I'm not mad at you. I hope you get this. You left before you could hear what I needed you to. I hope you find it, what you're looking for. And, I hope it's everything you dreamed your life would be; plus so much more. I know that you can do this. I do hope you find happiness wherever it is that you are going. I wanted you to know that, and nothing's gonna change that. You deserve so much out of life and you can make it happen. And, you're already so far. I knew you could do it. I just hope whatever it is out there that you were missing here, I hope you find it." I click the phone to hang up as Trinity runs in my arms. Her tiny body squeezing to mine.


	2. Rain Keeps Coming Down

Teen pregnancy wasn't easy for either of us. We were just messing around when it actually came around to doing it. Neither one of us actually thinking that we would end up parents. We were 15 and in love. We ended up living with my grandmother, until she passed away, but she left the house to us. James continued in school, but I dropped out and got a job. James was the best boyfriend and dad. I remember on the day she was born, James cried so much. He sat, holding her for hours. Even once we got home, he kept her bassinet by the couch, and just held her on a pillow when we went to bed.

She adored him too. Even though I carried her in my belly, gave birth to her; Daddy was the favorite. Probably because I forced her to eat and take medicine while he just did the coddling.

We were struggling to get by, but we were doing it. Life was getting better. Trinity doesn't understand where her dad has been. It breaks my heart to see her wait by the door at 3:40 each afternoon.

Then, there's the new one. It was Trinity's second birthday, we had a conversation on what a cute baby we made and one thing lead to another. I haven't even told my own mother yet. She'd just go off on how right she was about James. I still don't think she is. He's wanted that dream of his before we started dating. I still am not angry at him. I feel bad for our daughter.

"Trinity." I call out, walking through the hall way. "Baby, where are you?"

Her light snore comes from my bedroom. I walk in to check her. Perfect, like always.

There's loads of laundry, piles of dishes, and plenty of house to clean. Quietly, I turn the messy dungeon to a semi-acceptable house by the time that my angel awakes.

"Mommy." She walks up behind me as I work on putting the clean and dry dishes away. I turn around to see her chubby little hands rubbing her eyes.

"Wassa matter, Precious?" She only holds her arms out for me to pick her up. The last utensils are threw into the drawer then I turn to scoop her up. Tiny little arms snake around my neck.

* * *

**_/Flashback/_**

_"You're absolutely sure?" James inquires._

_"Yes."_

_"You want oreos and Reese's cups? Right now?"_

_"I wouldn't lie to you." _

_"But, it's 2:30 in the morning. Can't you have it later?" _

_"No. We need it now." Koraline reaches over, placing her hand on her boyfriend's chest._

_"But, I have school-."_

_"Please. I mean, it's your baby that wants it." She rubs down her stomach, making a slight pouting face. James has to admit that her messy hair and puppy dog eyes are rather cute._

_"Yes. I'm sure it's her." He pushes the blanket off his legs and sits up._

_"You're the best, Baby. I love you so much." She kisses his cheek._

_"I know. I love you too." The tennis shoes that lay by the bed are laced to his feet, then he picks up the house keys and heads out the door to walk to the corner gas station. Kora occupies her time with reading and slowly drifts to sleep._

_James drags back in at 3. He leaves the treats on her bedside and crawls back in. She takes up more bed than she used to, being 8 1/2 months pregnant. James doesn't really get upset with her though, it's their child that she's taking care of._

_When he wakes up to get ready for school, she's still asleep. The silence of the morning is peaceful. Much better than the previous few months where they both sat in the bathroom floor while she threw up and he held her hair. Now, she just eats a lot. Kendall, Logan, and Carlos come to see her and her friends try to as well._

_With hair perfectly parted , scarf snugly wrapped around his neck, and outfit nicely coordinated for the Minnesota weather; he sits on the bed and kisses his girlfriend's forehead._

_"Love you, Honey." He then kisses the side of her tummy and rubs over the stretched stomach. Tiny movements are felt. "I love you too, Baby Girl. Daddy will be home later."_

_"Morning." Koraline greets._

_"I didn't mean to wake you up. I'm sorry."_

_"It's okay. It was her. Not you." She struggles to sit up. "I've been having a lot of contractions in the past few hours. It was really hard to sleep."_

_"I'm sorry, Baby. But, she'll be here soon and you won't have to deal with those any more."_

_"I hope so."_

_"It will all be okay. Want me to bring you something to eat or drink, Kora?" He asks as he checks the text from Kendall._

_"If you would just bring my cell phone charger from the bathroom, that'd be great."_

_"Of course." He departs the room and when he returns, he finds a horrified, terrified Kora pulling the blankets away from her body, revealing a wet spot by her lap. They take a moment to look back and forth between the wet spot and each other._

_"James,-."_

_"Is that?"_

_"My water?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"Yeah. Here, help me up." He reaches his hands out for hers. She takes them, slowly is pulled to her feet. The doorbell rings. It has to be Kendall with his mom here to pick up James for school. James helps his girlfriend through the house, then flies to open the door._

_"Woah. Is everything okay?" Kendall holds his hand up._

_"I don't think I'm going to school today."_

_"You look like you're gonna throw up. Is everything okay?"_

_"The baby's coming."_

_"The baby's coming?!"_

_"Yeah." James steps back, opening the door wider for Kendall to view the laboring woman leaning against the wall. His green eyes open wide._

_"Oh, my."_

_*End of Flashback*_

* * *

"Kora?"

"In the kitchen, Mom." She enters briefly, baring a few grocery bags.

"Oh. You didn't need to go and do that. I can get groceries."

"My granddaughter can't live off of Easy Mac." She lays the groceries on the counter.

"She doesn't." I toss the salad with the tongs.

"Well, with James being gone, I figured you might need some help. Not that he contributed around here. You do all the work and take care of the baby."

"He took care of her while I went to work. I told him to stay in school. Over the summer and on breaks, he worked with Kendall at the store."

"You supported him a lot more. Well, you certainly helped him reach his goal in life. Do you see him sending you any money to support his daughter? I think not. I used to think more of him, but not anymore. You need to file-."

"Stop! I don't want anything from him. Did you come to pick a fight?" I toss the tongs down on the counter and return the boiling pot of spaghetti noodles and sauce pan.

"No. I just wanted to check on you and Trinity. Especially you, you've been looking puffy lately. Are you getting sick?"

"No, Mom." I fib, setting the food on the table.

"You're so on edge lately. It's almost like you're-."

"I am." I face away from her, looking out the kitchen window.

"James'?"

"Of course."


	3. I Just Thought I'd Try To Call You, Baby

Mom and I hash it out after I tell her the truth. As all mom's would say, she told me about how James was no count and that she's so glad that he is out of my and Trinity's life.

"That's not fair though. She doesn't deserve to grow up without her dad. To not know what a magnificent person he is."

"He's not that magnificent to walk out on you and her. And, especially you in your condition. You need to take him off that high pedestal. He's a terrible person. He left you. I told you that James was no good for you."

"You did. What do you want from me? Why don't you go put it on a billboard and in the newspaper? Make a radio broadcast? Want me to say that you were right? You were right. There. But, he loved her. He adored her." I slam the cabinet door shut after putting the clean dishes away.

"I know he did. And, that's not what I want. I want you to be okay."

"Well, I'm not, Mom." I push my palm to my forehead and the hot tears fall down my face. "I'm not okay, Mama."

She stands and walks over to me. Her arms wrap around me.

"I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm so sorry."

"I'm hurting for Trinity. She doesn't understand. And, for the new baby, never gonna know it's daddy. It's not fair to them. I knew this could happen, I didn't expect it to be like this, but, it was always a possibility. Mom, he doesn't even know that I am pregnant again. I didn't tell him. Now, I can't. Mama, I can't tell him. He's gone now. Why did it have to be this way?"

"Who knows. Maybe, that band won't take off. He might come back. Not that you should get with him again. But, he can get a real job and help provide for his kids." Mom strokes my hair.

"I don't want that. I want him to be happy. He's wanted this for so long."

"Baby Doll, is there anything I can do for you?" My eyes open. I catch a glimpse of my chestnut haired daughter watching from around the corner.

"I'll be okay. I love you, Mom. Let's get her to eat.." I gently hug my mom and walk away, wiping my eyes and putting on a smile.

"Hey there, Darling. You ready to eat?" Her arms raise and I scoop her up.

No matter what's going on, it all fades away when I'm with her. Life is just a great place to when she's around. You know those kind of people? The flowers seem to be brighter, air seems fresher, and makes you feel so happy-go-lucky. That's my Trinity.

She doesn't ask for it, but because there has been so much tension and frustration lately, I let her take a bubble bath. She loses her mind over a bubble bath. It takes only 30 minutes for her to get over it. Well, she just got tiredly really, so she dries off and gets into her pajamas.

"Ready for bed, Pumpkin?" I ask, but she only nods. When I call her 'Pumpkin', James always would return with calling her 'Princess'. Because, she loves Cinderella, and for James she was always pleasant and nice. "Then, lets get some sleep." I take her back to my room and lay her on the bed, pulling back then getting in with her.

"Where Daddy?"

"Uh. Hmm." I get a lump in my throat. "He's with Uncle Carlos, Uncle Logan, and Uncle Kendall."

It's not a complete lie. She buys it and goes to sleep.

I, on the other hand, can't sleep. What am I going to do? He's a million miles away from us.

I wonder what would have happened if he knew.

* * *

**_*Flashback*_**

_"Oh, my."_

_"Kendall! I don't know what to do!"_

_"Let me get my mom. She'll know!" The blonde runs back to his car and James turns to his girlfriend. Now, Grandma Allison is now part the action. Kora leans forward to hold onto the corner of the wall with Grandma trying to comfort her. James can't help but to be motionless._

_"She said that she'll take us to school then come back for you two." When Kendall pops in to say that, James physically jumps from the fright._

_"I-. I-. Uhm. Thanks."_

_"Good luck, Bro. See you later." He waves and departs by shutting the door._

_"Just breathe through it. That's it. Good girl."_

_James feels frozen, but when Koraline turns around with tears streaming down her face, he broke. He has to help her._

_"Baby." His voice hitches. "What can I do for you?"_

_She holds her arms out. He comes over and embraces her. They latch onto each other._

_"I'm scared. I'm scared. What if I can't do this?"_

_"You're gonna be okay. We're gonna do it together. Mama Knight is gonna come back and help us." He pets her hair. "Do you wanna sit down?"_

_"Please."_

_"Here." He holds her arms and leads her to the couch. Grandma (shortly to be a great-grandma) makes use of brushing Kora's hair and braiding it neatly down her back. At this moment, James is sitting in front of her, holding her hands as they squeeze onto his._

_"Does it hurt?"_

_"Not too much. Yet."_

_"Is there anything at all that I can do to make you more comfortable?"_

_"No." She presses her palm to her lower back. "James."_

_"Yes?" Anticipation and worry fills his eyes. It washes away though when a small smile slips across her face._

_"We're having a baby."_

_"We are." He stands on his knees and leans in to kiss her. "We're having a beautiful, baby girl."_

_"Are you ready?"_

_"So ready."_

_"Good." She runs a hand over his shoulder then moans in pain._

_"You got this."_

_Koraline remains eerily calm for what she's going through. James is having a worse time and is stressing out more than the one who's giving birth. It's natural though for the father to become highly worried at this time. The mother may have pain, but she indeed is ready for her baby. James' mind runs crazy with thoughts. Soon, he won't just be a boyfriend, jock, or regular guy; he's going to be a dad. Someone who is made up of half of him and half of the girl he loves._

_Time passes by, to the soon-to-be parents, slowly. Ms. Knight returns and sits the family. Since she has been through this twice, she offers words of advice and comfort._


	4. Before You Got Too Far Out Of Town

"Do you think that I could pick up some more shifts?" I ask of my manager.

"You already work 6 days a week."

"Can I maybe work a few doubles?"

"I'm not gonna say no. " It wasn't a secret that I would now be raising my daughter on my own. My boss knew that. "Are you in some sort of financial trouble? I can lend you the money."

"No. It's just that I'm expecting again and I need the money."

"Oh. Congratulations. That's great. Sure, sure. I understand. More money." Yeah. That felt as congratulating as a funeral invitation. I don't expect a warm response. Like the first time, no one will think that I can do this. Just this time, I don't have the daddy there to comfort me from their looks and snide comments.

"Thank you, Bill." I smile and turn away. Working for a car lot certainly has it's perks, but mostly just boring. It pays pretty good too, but will it be enough? I don't know. I can hope and pray.

Come closing time, I walk out with a few others and get to my car. I have to go to Mom's to get Trinity.

First, I take a moment to cry. When I turned the car on, my and James' old song comes on (Doing It All For My Baby - Huey Lewis and the News) followed by Always Be My Baby by Mariah Carey. This just is a recipe for disaster.

I have to turn the radio off. So, instead of other's words of heartbreak filling my head, only mine do. I don't talk to Mom long, but Trinity is already asleep, so if I drive careful she will remain asleep.

When I catch a glimpse of her back there, I smile. I've not lost James, he's still here. In her and the new baby.

I take her up to my bedroom and lay her down, but I wanna shower so I go down the hall and strip. I tie my purple bandanna around my hair to push it back and then use a hair bow to twist my hair into a knot. The hot water runs down my body, soothing the muscles.

I may need to get a second job. The house, the car, and of course the babies; all need to be taken care of. Hopefully, I can reuse Trinny's baby things for the new one. That would be great to not need to buy new clothes and such.

I shut the water off, dry my body, and get dressed. There's too much to be done to worry with tonight. Sleep would be preferable at the moment, but the laundry isn't gonna do itself. The bills aren't gonna pay themselves either.

* * *

**_/Flashback/_**

_"Okay." Kora breathes hard._

_"That was a long one. You handled that real nicely. James, why don't you get Koraline some water or-. Sweetheart, what would you like?" Ms. Knight asks._

_"Water is fine." She is now standing against the wall again. The pain is too much while sitting down, but standing seems to help give some relief. James. Well, James is trying to be as understanding and involved as possible; he just keeps getting stuck. Though, he is also scared of getting yelled at. Kora hasn't been showing much the typical 'woman-giving-birth' attitude though. No screaming, yelling, cussing, or saying that she hates James for doing this to her. Of course, she's cried a little. Pain and hormones can do that to a girl, but it hasn't been a bawling type of crying with sobbing and the works, just a subtle stream of tears._

_"Yeah. Give me a second." He leaves the room connecting to the kitchen and turns on the faucet. First, he runs his hand under it and placing it on the back of his neck then rolling it. His mind is in overload. Kora and he are about to be actual parents. Like, there's no changing this. Not that he wants to. Just the fact that in the next few hours, their lives will never be the same. He fills a cup with water and returns._

_"Baby. Here you go."_

_"Thank you." Her hand wraps around the cup, but she doesn't drink immediately, pain scrunches her face. Every time this happens, James tenses up too. Internally, he's trying to breath and is unable to think._

_"James, come here."_

_"What can I do?"_

_"I wanna go lay down. I'm tired."_

_"Is that okay?" James turns to Mama Knight._

_"Of course. I actually should be going to get the boys and Katie from school. I'll get them home and then come back."_

_"No. No. It's okay. You've been such a big help. I should be okay from here on. Thank you so much." Kora holds James' hands and straightens her back. Grandma Alli looking up from her knitting, in the rocking chair._

_"You're not a burden. You're not holding me here against my will. James is like my own son, and you're like a daughter, and I wanna be here for you two."_

_"How about I call you when the contractions start getting close?"_

_"Sounds good to me. And, you do need to rest. It will be much needed later."_

_"Alright. Thank you for everything. James, can you help me to the bed?"_

_"Yes, Dear."_

_Ms. Knight helps too and then leaves for the the kids at school. When, Kora lays down, feet get relief but her back not so much. The couple lay together. Somewhere in the middle of all this, Kora actually gets some sleep. Not solidly, she falls in and out of sleep. But, James never leaves her side. If the phone rings, Grandma will answer. Nothing is worth not being with her._

_She does shower and manage to eat part of a salad, though it nearly comes back up._

_**Current time: 12:52 a.m.**_

_"Baby, they seem to be getting close. Do you think that we should call Ms. Knight?"_

_"No. I'm fine."_

_"Alright. I'm sorry. I just want to have to end up having her at home." He smiles, trying to get her to. She only ignores him. In fact, her contractions are close and long. She's just hoping that it's not really happening. Perhaps, this will stop and she can have a few more days before she has to give birth._

_She sits on the floor on her knees with her hands bracing her body against the bed. James sits on the bed awaiting instructions. His hand slips across the bed to take hers._

_"Help me up. I feel dizzy." Kora demands. He glides over to her but stops short._

_"Koraline." He tries to swallow the lump in his throat. "Is that blood?"_

_"What?" He takes her underneath her underarms and stands her body to her feet. _

_Blood. On the floor. Down her yoga pants._

_"Call Ms. Knight. Now." James whips out his cellphone and makes the call._


	5. I Hope You Get This Message

From time to time, my mind will wonder; thinking about how James and the boys are doing. I wonder if he still looks the same or if he got a Hollywood make over. Not that he needed one. He pretty much is the essence of gorgeous, male model. And, man, his singing is so angelic. Even when he's goofing around. I have no doubt that he will make it very far. I wonder if he remembers us, or if he has finally got to meet Nicole Scherzinger. Those 5 mansions he always wanted, they're so close.

"Koraline Fitz." My attention is drawn to the front counter of the diner. An old lady with broad rim glasses stands and extends her arm out. I'm looking for a second job and diner's are always desperate.

"This way." She leads into a side room with a desk covered in papers. Obviously, there is no sense of organization in this room.

"Thank you." I say and take the seat she offers.

"I understand that you have another job, eh?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"So, why do you need another one?"

"I need to make ends meet in my home." I tuck some hair behind my ear.

"I see. I see. You've had experience before with the world of serving?"

"Briefly."

"Hmmm." Her eyes scan the piece of paper before her.

"I can work as anything. Janitor, waitress, or dish washer."

"Good. Because, I just had to fire 4 people for stealing. They ransacked the place. That's the reason we're closed for renovations. Are you sure that you can handle two jobs?"

"I am sure."

"You're 17. How hard a time can you be having at home?"

"I'm providing for myself, my daughter, and soon-to-be new baby." I rub a hand across my stomach then lay it across my lap to give her a hint. Confusion, or judgement, twisted on her face. She fakes looking at the paper and the room fills with awkward silence.

"I'm sorry to take up your time." I sigh and stand, making my way to the door.

As soon as I'm out of the building, I groan in frustration and kick my tire. This is not going as easily as I thought it would and I didn't start out with high hopes. This is rather just working my last nerve.

How am I going to do it? I really don't see how it's gonna be possible. I know it's my fault for getting into this situation, but still I'm not asking for a hand out.

Why can't he just call? Why can't I just hear his voice? He needs to tell me that every thing is going to be alright.

I crumble down by the side of the car in tears, with my phone in my hand.

"Come back, be here." I talk to the phone as if it will magically send my message to him.

* * *

**_/Flashback/_**

_"Young Man, you need to give us space." A young nurse kindly takes James by the arm, leading him from the room. _

_"NO! I have to be with her. You don't understand. That's my baby. She's having my baby! My daughter."_

_"I understand that, but in order for us to properly take care of both of them, we need space. Now, Sir, please." She succeeds in removing James from the room, but not without the help of another, lager, male nurse._

_"You don't understand. I have to be with her."_

_"James? What's going on?" Ms. Knight looks up from the waiting chair down the hall and dashes towards James._

_"They won't let me be with her. They took her away from me." _

_"Come. Sit with me."  
_

_"I don't wanna sit. I wanna to be with her."_

_"I know you do, but they would not remove you unless it was absolutely necessary."_

_"I did this to her. I'm the reason that she's hurting. I'm responsible for all this." Mama Knight takes James in her arms. "Her own mother won't even come see her. It's my fault. I ruined her life. She's so smart. She could've been anything that she wanted to. I took all that away. She has to hate me."_

_"James David Diamond. Look at me." He looks at her. "Kora loves you very much. She tells everyone all the time. Yes, her mother doesn't like what has happened, but she will come around. I would be upset if the same thing happened with Kendall, but I would wanna be there for him. She just needs time. Everything is gonna be okay. We just have to wait."_

_"You're a better mother to kids who aren't yours than their own biological parents."_

_"What are you taking about? You are my kids." She smiles and pats his back._

_"Thank you so much for all that you've done for us. We have no way to ever repay you."_

_"I don't want you to. Let's get some coffee and wait for your girls." She links arms with him. "I can't wait to meet your little girl."_

_"Me neither. Do you think I'm gonna be a good dad? I'm scared that maybe I'm not gonna know what to do."_

_"Oh, you're not. No matter how many books you read, you will not be prepared. It's scary, I'll give you that. I think you'll do just fine though. You and Koraline have me too. I will always be here if you need help or have questions."_

_"Thank you."_


	6. That I'm Leaving For You

Thoughts of watching James leave spin around in my head faster than the plane that took him. This is when the feeling starts to sink in. He's gone. I can't pretend that I'm okay anymore. He's surrounded by taxi cabs and busy streets, but none of them will bring him back to me. I break down, because he's not fair that he's not around.

"Come back. Please. Just, be here." My hands curl in around my upper arms. "I just want you here, James. You should be here for your daughter. She stills waits for you! You idiot!" I pant through the sob. "I'm an idiot too. I'm still waiting too. I'm still waiting for you to come home. I have so much to tell you. You left without knowing I'm pregnant. We're gonna have another baby, but you're not here. Why aren't you here?"

Getting that off my chest should be more relieving, except James isn't actually hearing it. All these words are just going to the wind. If it ever comes down to it, if he ever did call, I still wouldn't tell him about what's going on. He made his choice.

Shakily, I stand and get in my car to compose myself. Keeping it together all the time, for Trinity's sake, is hard as it can be. Especially with the on set of hormones.

That was my last hope. Unluckily, that has been my luck all day. At this point, I'm clueless. What is one to do in my predicament? Of course my mother loves me and her grandchild(ren), but if I ask her for some help, she'll just rant on about how right she was. She's a good person, but likes to gloat when she's right. She wanted me to leave James a long time ago and live with her. With James and Grandma (R.I.P.) gone, it's just me and Trinity in the house.

Plus, I'm out to prove that I'm a fit mother and can take care of my kids. I don't need to pity myself.

The billboards blur by in a steady rhythm. My elbow rests on the window sill with my head laying to the side on my hand. The headache that pounds around my skull is starting make me nauseous. Mom's house isn't too far away. I can just sit there for a while, see if this passes.

"Mom?" I ask as I step in the house.

"Mommy!" A small, chubby faced angel crawls towards me. I smile and scoop her up. For a while, I just need to hold my baby close. Her arms wrap around my neck and the giggle she put in my ear warmed my whole body. What an amazing sound.

"How's my girl?" My mother comes around the corner to ask. I just shake my head, don't wanna talk about it in front of Trinny. "Have you eaten today?"

"I was too sick this morning. I didn't feel like it."

"Well, I'm glad that you can join us for lunch. We're gonna have mac-n-cheese."

"Mac-n-cheese!" Trinity smiles (that she got from her father).

"Wonderful. Maybe, we can talk more about that funny hairstyle that you're sporting." I sit her down on the couch arm, run my fingers through her hair, and braid it back. Mom goes to the kitchen.

"What a pretty girl I have." My arms scoop her in again then lay down across the couch with my little one laying on my chest. She looks at the TV as I look at her.

"I love you, Trinity."

* * *

**_/Flashback/_**

_James and Mama Knight sit 10 feet from the room where Koraline is bringing a new life to the world. Not much screaming or crying is heard, which sorta scares James. Then, a rather low gasp is heard, it's each to settle him down for the moment. _

_"Is she gonna be okay? What if this kills her? What if the doctors can't stop the bleeding? I can't believe I did this. I killed my girlfriend." His hands pull back his hair, and if he wasn't looking at the floor, his bloodshot eyes could be seen. _

_"Take a big breath. You're just anxious and tired. Everything will be okay." Their only constant, Mama Knight, instructs. He pops out of his chair, his hair sticks up at awkward angles, and begins to pace._

_"What if it's not? She's in there by herself. I should be by her. Not only have I ruined her life, I've taken it away. If she makes it through this, she'll probably break up with me. I couldn't deal with me, if I was her. Took look at the person who made me a parent at 16. Did you know she was top of all her classes? She dropped out because I got her pregnant. And, now, I'm losing her. I don't wanna lose her."_

_"You're over-reacting. She is gonna be fine. It's probably for the best that you're not with her, you'd be stressing her. James, stop. Take a moment. Clear your head. Have you had a chance to talk to your parents?"_

_"They don't care. Like, Kora's mom. They think that we couldn't and shouldn't do this. I never seen Kora so mad as the day that happened. I literally had to pick her up and carry her out of the house." He actually smiles for a second. Thinking about what a hard-headed person she is._

_"She is very opinionated. With everyone. Certainly, not someone to let other's make decisions for her."_

_The door to Koraline's room opens with a few nurses running out. Of course, James and Ms. Knight dart down and look in the window, which someone has so kindly opened the blinds in. The side view of the delivery is more than enough make James get as close to window as possible without pressing his face to the glass._

_On Kora's face, an oxygen mask, and she seems to be very pale. Her hands grip the side rails of the bed. The nurses that ran from the room return with armfuls of supplies. One returns to the top of the bed to wipe the sweat from her forehead. The other stays with the doctor at the other end.  
_

_Kora's chest heaves as she struggles for air. James cringes as he relishes in the fact that this is his fault. Internally, he screams about hating himself._

_"James. I think-. James, look!" _

_He focuses as his beloved girlfriend's face strains, but then-. In the doctor's hands, James' daughter squirms and cries. _

_That's it. __It's over. __His daughter is here. He's in love._

_The doctor lays the infant on the new mother's chest. Her hand lightly pats the newborn, but she is so tired that she can barely work that much energy up. A nurse begins to clean the baby right there._

_James is lost. No words. No thoughts. He just stares at his daughter that he can not wait to touch, hold, and talk to. _

_"Congratulations, Daddy." Mama Knight hugs James from the side, but neither of their eyes leave the scene. _

_"Thank you." Then, he catches her words, he smiles and turns to her. "I'm a daddy." His smile grows even bigger. "Woah."_


	7. Cause I Hate That You Left

"Koraline Arabella. Honey, wake up. Food's ready." My mother shakes my shoulder gently.

"I'm awake." I open my eyes. Trinity is coloring at the table and looks back to see if I am paying attention. She catches my eye and smiles, I can't help but to smile back.

If James were here, he'd be sitting on the floor with her. He'd ask her to tell him about the colors and what she's making a picture of. Not that he'd understand a single word, but he'd love to hear her talk about it. James was an excellent daddy.

It's hard to believe it's only been 3 days that he's been gone.

"Let's go eat." Mom picks Trin up and carries her to the dining table. I wish someone would carry me. Fatigue is basically my only feeling at the moment. Exhaustion haunts my every move. I shuffle down the hall and take a seat at the table.

Dinner goes by nicely. Pleasant conversations with Mom and Trinny didn't make a big mess. I wash the dishes before heading out. On the way home Trin plays with her dolls in the back seat and I just think about the day that he left. The day that my worst nightmare came true.

Maybe, one day, he will return.

I doubt it though. It's minus 8 here and he's in the land of constant summer. James was made for that life. Looks, attitude, and everything about him gently says that he belongs on magazine covers and TV shows, his voice deserves to be heard by the world.

I hope he's doing well.

* * *

_***James POV***  
_

"Stop cheering! If you thought the last 3 days were hard; wait 'til you see the next 3 months. Carlos still can't sing, Logan still can't dance, and I still can't stand James." Gustavo shakes his head.

"We'll work on it." Kendall still smiles from their new found success, while Carlos pushes on James' chest to hold him back from saying something to Gustavo about his comment.

"Okay, now you can celebrate." Gustavo says over the intercom. Carlos, Logan, Kendall, and I commence to whooping and slapping a high five together. This is it. All my dreams are coming true.

"Can you believe it guys?! We did it!" I shout. "I guess that my popstar dream wasn't so stupid after all."

"No. You just stammered like an idiot in front of Nicole." Kendall snarly remarks.

"Yeah." I pull at the collar of my jacket. "I didn't wanna seem to hot-headed. The whole shy boy thing is totally in, ya know. She totally wants me."

"Well, I want to sleep. Let's head home." Logan rubs the back of his neck. We exit the sound room and shortly after exit the building to Ms. Knight's rental mini-van. Once the initial excitement calms down, most of the people in our group are totally wiped. All, but me and Ms. Knight, fall to sleep on the ride home. Kendall in the passenger seat, Carlos and I in the middle seat, leaving Logan and Katie in the rear seats.

"What's on your mind, Hon?" Mama Knight whispers.

"Hmm?" I pull my ear bud from my ear.

"You look like something is on your mind. Are you alright?"

"Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm fine. Just excited about today."

"Well, alright."

I lied to her. Not that I wanted to, but not really wanting to talk about what a terrible person I am. Koraline must hate me. I wonder if Trinity even remember who I am.

They should be here with me. I can't believe I actually left them. It's too late now to change my mind. I've done the worst thing to both of the most important girls in my life that is possible. Kora grew up without a dad. Her worse fear was that she was gonna be left too. I told her that I would never do that to her. I lied.

It sucks. Things are finally going my way, but I really wish that I could talk her. She wouldn't answer even if I knocked on her door.

* * *

**_/Flashback/_**

_"Look at her. Wow. Look at them." A pure light fills James' eyes. "Can I go in?"_

_"I don't know. Let's give them a minute. You wanna call the guys? Let them know?"_

_"Yeah. I can do that." While James pulls his phone out of his pocket and makes the round of calls to each of the boys at 2:14 in the morning, Kora is trying her best to stay conscience. Physically, mentally, and emotionally she is drained. For the first time, her daughter is in her arms. She's so much smaller than she felt on the inside._

_"Ja-mes?" Her voice cracks as she asks the nurse for James. _

_"James?" The middle aged woman asks. Kora's eyes shift to the window. On the other side; a bright eyed and messy haired boy with a goofy grin and phone pressed to his ear looks in. _

_"You want him in here?" _

_A nod._

_"Alright. I'll let him in." She walks over to the door. James quickly combs his fingers through his hair. Have to look nice for meeting his daughter for the first time. Mama Knight pushes him towards the door after it opens. Then, he takes walks slowly over to the bedside. Kora moves the blanker back from the baby's face. _

_"Oh my goodness." He clasps his hand to his mouth. "She's so small." He smiles. _

_"Ms. Knight." She whispers. James goes over to the door and welcomes Mama Knight._

_"Oh, Koraline. You were so excellent. Congratulations. She's so pretty." _

_"Tell her, James." _

_"You want me to do it? You sure?"_

_ "Mm-hmm."_

_"Okay." He smiles. The two who stand by the bed share a quick look. "Mama Knight, we want you to meet our daughter. Trinity Jennifer Diamond."_

_"You're naming her after me?" She places a hand to her chest. Kora and James nod._

_"You've done so much for us. Especially with helping us prepare for her. You deserve to be remembered for this. We really appreciate you and think you're an amazing mother to us. Thank you so much for all that you have done."_

_"I don't know what to say. I'm honored."_

_The most energy that Kora can muster is smile, but James hugs Ms. Knight tight enough for the both of them. Shortly, the nurses say they need to take the baby for dressing and a few tests. _

_The new parents get some alone time after Ms. Knight leaves. Though, new mommy is so exhausted that she crashes in sleep within an hour after giving birth. James lays on his side, holding her close to him on the hospital bed._

_"You did so well, Baby." He combs the hair above her ear. "I'm so proud of you. You were so brave. I'm so happy right now. I love you so much." James kisses her forehead moments before he joined her in sleep._


	8. Without Hearing The Words

"Good morning, Trinity." I lay beside her and stroke her messy hair. She remains asleep though. Like her father, she is not a morning person. That's a blessing in it's own way. I kiss her forehead and get up.

Another thing that she got from her father is that the smell of food can make her do anything, even wake up. After showering for work, I head down the hall to prepare breakfast.

It feels so awkward not to have James across the kitchen helping and singing. Lord, that man loved to sing. All the time and everywhere. Especially when I was pregnant, he liked to sing until Trinity would start kicking. He sang to her everyday after she was born as well. I never got sick of it. I'm so happy that he got to make his dream come true.

After Trinity eats, we both get ready for our day. I change into work clothes and brush her hair into ponytails. In the car, we listen to a little of Kenny Loggins' lullaby CD. Her and James' favorite is _Return To Pooh Corner. _

"Are you and Mammy gonna have fun today?"

"Yes." She smiles a smile that is almost too big for her face.

"Momma will here to pick you up after work. Okay?"

"Okay, Mommy."

I hop out of the car to get Trinity into her grandmother's house, with her clutching the stuffed moose that her daddy won from the claw machine for her a few months ago.

"I love you, Baby Doll. I'll see you tonight. Be good." I kiss her and then wave as I walk away. Mom puts the baby on her hip and shuts the door. Just as I get back in and buckle up, my phone starts to ring.

Where is that stupid thing?

The contents of my purse are tossed around.

"Hello?" I answer.

_"Koraline Fitz?"_

"Yes, this is Koraline."

_"This is Mrs. Caine. From the diner. I am calling to see if you still are available for working."_

"Are you asking me if I want to work for you?"

_"Yes."_

"Yes. Absolutely. Thank you. Thank you!"

_"Are you available this afternoon?"_

"I get off my first job at two this afternoon, Ma'am."

_"That'll do."_

"Thank you so much. I will be there."

_"Bye now."_

"Goodbye."

I sigh with relief after hanging up.

Thank you, God. You really are watching out for my family and me.

I type out a quick text to mom, letting her know about what just happened then pull out to the road.

Could this be the beginning of luck coming my way?

* * *

_**/Flashback/**_

_"Goodness gracious. You're beautiful. I can't believe that you are actually mine." James coos at the 9 hour old baby girl. Kora was asleep when they brought the baby back in, but James awoke due to the noise._

_"Look at that tiny nose." He gently traces his finger down her nose as she lays in the bassinet. "Your uncles aren't gonna be allowed to play with you. They would most definitely break you. Well, maybe not Logan. He wants to be a doctor. He should know how to handle babies. But, Kendall and Carlos are a little more rough. I would lump myself into that category any other time, but when I have you here; it seems that I lose all my strength. Every fiber of my being turns to marshmallow. Baby Girl, you are so lucky. You have got the prettiest mommy. And, your father isn't bad looking either." James chuckles._

_"I can't wait for your family to meet you. They've all been so excited. You've got a great-grandmother. Your four uncles; Kendall, Carlos, and Logan. Kendall's mother, who will call Nana Knight. Kendall's sister; you'll call her Aunt Katie. Oh. I don't wanna talk about all them right now. I just wanna talk about you." The sleeping infant would have no clue what he was talking about even if she were awake, but he continues to tell her of all she will come to know._

_"Can I hold you, Trinity? Can Daddy hold you?" He stands to his feet. For a moment, reconsidering if it is a good idea, really struggling with the thought. _

_"Alright. Let's do this." His hands slide under the blankets that bind the baby. As he begins to lift her up and bring her close to him, she opens those tiny eyes. James brought her in close to his chest. _

_"There we go. Oh my goodness. You're so small. Don't slip out, please." He stands there perfectly still, holding the product of love that he and Koraline created. The longer he looks, the more that this situation starts to sink. His life will never be the same._

_"I love you so much, Trinity. Daddy love you so much. Always remember that, please?" James raises the tiny being to his lips and kisses her forehead. A few tears fall down his face. He looks at her and she looks back. This could be the happiest day of his life. She stays awake for only a few minutes._

_Happy tears still fall every few moments. For months, he fretted and worried over what would happen on this day, but now all he can think about is "Woah". Now, he gets a turn to hold her and talk or sing to her. Though, he's been singing to her ever since they found out she was on the way._

_"James?" He jumps to attention to look at Koraline._

_"What am I doing wrong? I thought I was holding her, right."_

_"Just come here and sit." Nervously, he steps towards the bed and takes the seat by the bed. Kora then proceeds to take James by the chin and kisses him. He looks at her with a smile. _

_"You are so cute. Who knew a baby could turn James Diamond into a marshmallow."_

_"You heard that?"  
_

_"I sure did. It was extremely adorable."_

_"So is she. Definitely our child. So beautiful. I bet she's gonna look just like you."_

_"I hope not. You're the pretty one. She should definitely take after you."_

_"It doesn't matter. This is our little girl, she's gonna be a knock out. I'm gonna have to beat those boys off with a stick when she gets older, but she definitely won't be allowed to date until she's 20."_

_"Of course. I don't think she'll like that very much though." Kora gently places her hand on the back of the baby's head._

_"It doesn't matter. I'm gonna protect my baby. I'll handle any guy that breaks her heart. But, of course, she'll be the one breaking hearts with her devilish good looks."_


	9. That I Needed You To

"Mrs. Caine?" I knock on the glass door and peep in. She asked me to be here, but I don't even see her car. Or any car. It scares me a little, thinking that this may be a set up. Why would an old lady set up a pregnant woman to get mobbed? She wouldn't. I'm just out of my mind.

Since the weather is bitter cold, I get back in my car and wait. The crossword puzzle book I keep handy finally has a purpose. My eyes flicker over to my phone; a few times I flip it open just in case that I might have missed the light.

At a time like this, I'd normally call James and have some crazy and nonsensical conversation to relieve my nerves. I don't think that will be happening today though. Possibly ever.

I miss him so much. Lord, I miss him. Everything around me is saturated with memories of us. Everywhere is somewhere that we spent nearly 10 years of growing up together. Not just him, I miss the other guys too. We grew up all together.

I nearly come out of my skin when a man taps on my window. He smiles and jingles keys then points to the diner. For a second, I was afraid, but when he unlocks the door and waits for me. I grab my purse and get out.

"Hi! Must be Caroline! I'm Jerry. Owner's kid."

"Hi. I'm _Kora_line, but a lot of people just call me Kora."

"Oh. I just thought that my mom was messing around. Oh, and she couldn't make it. Nothing serious, just has to deal with a lawyer or something. Over the people that did, well, all this." He gestures at the tore out kitchen area.

"I understand." I physically have to hold back from rolling my eyes, because this guy never shuts up. We walk towards the back.

"Mom said that she wants you to start organizing the office. My wife will be here shortly to help too. I'm gonna be working with the renovating guys." He looks to his watch. "Who should be here in any minute. So, I'll get you started. As you can see, it's a disaster."

"I see that."

"Until we can get this mess back in order, we can pay you minimum wage. But, when we're in business again, we will compensate you for work now."

"Thank you."

"Filing cabinets are there. Papers are everywhere. Thankfully, my mother color marked and numbered all her pages. I knew it's a lot of paper, but the file folders match the color of the sticker on the top right hand side of the paper. I assume you know how to count." He chuckles.

"Yeah." I fake a smile.

"And, Brenda, that's my wife, will be here in no time. You won't be alone." A sound of roaring trucks pulls in out front. "Oh. That's the renovation people. Now, beware. The windows were broken out. We cleaned out most the glass, but beware for any stray piece that may have no been picked up."

"Will do."

* * *

**_/Flashback/_**

_"Bella." Kora's special name from James, derived from her middle name (Arabella), is announced when he reenters the hospital room. She glances up from the baby in her arms. "Mama Knight is here and so kindly brought the baby carrier. You ready to go home?"_

_"Yes. I can't wait for Grammy to meet her. I've already talked to her on the phone." _

_"Alright. Let's take our baby girl home." Kora slowly stands. She already changed into some sweatpants and a baggy tee shirt. Ms. Knight carefully guided them through dressing Trinity in her onesie. James watched because he was too scared of being too rough with her. Kora clothed the child, biting her lip the entire time. Now, Mama Knight instructs her on putting the baby in the carrier. _

_"Be careful when you're actually carrying her. Don't just slosh it around. Try to keep it steady. Try placing the handle in the bend of your arm and balancing it there."_

_"I think that James should get a turn carrying her. I've had a fair amount of time."_

_"Okay, James, let me show you."_

_"I don't think that it's such a good idea."_

_"What do you mean?" Ms. Knight looks around with confusion._

_"James has an over-irrational fear of dropping the baby."_

_"That's normal though." She shrugs._

_"No, James takes it to a whole new level."  
_

_"Get over here, James. You've got to get used to life with a baby." _

_James steps in front of the carrier and looks at his sleeping beauty. He can't help but smile. Slowly, Mama Knight glides the carrier onto the bend of his arm. Then, like learning to ride a bike, she let James go. _

_Both women gloat over how cute he looks standing there. _

_Father and daughter sit in the middle seats__ of the van and Kora sits in the passenger side. James spends the entire car ride talking softly to Trinity while Mama Knight and Kora talk over the life with a new baby._

_"Grammy is so excited." Koraline claps her hands Ms. Knight explains to James how to remove the carrier from the base. _

_"Okay, Baby Girl. Welcome home." When the door opens, an attack of pink balloons covers the floor and all around the room, friends all wearing pink. Logan, Katie, Grammy, Carlos, Kendall, Jenny Tinkler, Logan's mother, and Carlos' dad. _

_"Welcome home!" They all whisper loudly. Thoughtful planning. _


	10. And, I Hope You Find It

I remove all the paper from the desk and sit them in piles around the room. Now that the desk is completely clear, I make piles of the respective colors, numerical order will come later. Red, green, yellow, blue, purple, orange, gray, white, black, and brown stickers are gonna haunt my nightmares. Seeing over 500 sheets of paper with the same color sticker can do that to a person.

"Wow. Look who is a busy bee." A woman speaks up. I was listening to music from my phone, because hearing something else aside from the sound of drills and saws was kind of working my nerve. I pause the music. When I look up from the armful of paper, I see an Idina Menzel look alike, only she was blonde and younger.

"Just doing what I'm supposed to."

"There is no way that I could have got this mess this neat is the amount of time that my husband said that you were supposed to start. I mean, you are the new girl, right? I don't recognize you. I'm so sorry. Hi, I'm Brenda Caine." She extends her hand out. I support the paper with one arm and the top of my knee and quickly shake her hand.

"Koraline Fitz." I retract my hand.

I have no idea how her and her husband have a conversation, they both never shut up.

"Nice to meet you. So glad that we've finally got someone who actually works. It's a great change. So, how about we turn this heater on? It's freezing in here. No crap. It's like only 10 degrees out there. You poor thing, you should have told Jerry. He wouldn't have minded you turning this on. And, let's shut the door to keep the heat in. Okay. So, what can I do?"

Oh, Lord, help me not to stuff a sock in this woman's mouth.

"I have already got these into color piles. Would you like to help me finish with that?"

"Yeah. Yeah. What were you listening too?" She picks up a stack of paper and begins to sort.

"Uh... Um. That was Smokey Robinson."

"Oh. Girl of older taste. I like that. What else do you like?"

"A little bit of everything. The 70's and 80's seem to be preference. Kenny Loggins, definitely. Rick Springfield, a little Madonna, Michael Bolton, Barry Manilow, Whitney Houston, Ambrosia, Patsy Cline, Randy Travis, George Jones, Sam Cooke and just stuff like that." I stop myself when I begin to get carried away.

"Wow. You were born in the wrong decade. You got any of that on your music player? Let's listen at it. It might help us get the job done quicker."

Since she's working my nerve, I just turn the music back on and hope that she'll shut up. When Jerry comes back to check in, he bares empty milk crates. It's a miracle. Brenda and I move each color into a crate so that we can prevent knocking them over. There are 3 filing cabinets, each with 4 drawers, and on the top right hand corner of the drawer; a colored sticker.

Brenda organizes the purple, red, and brown; leaving me with the rest. Slowly but surely, we get them into their drawer, completely in order.

"Look at us! We got it done. And, look at how well we already get along. That music though! We have so much to talk about!" Brenda sits on the vacant desk.

"Did I hear 'music'? Are you all having a dance party or working?" Jerry jokes when he walks by again.

"We're having a dance party and working." His wife replies.

"Well, well, well. I can believe that you two got this done in 2 hours. I guess that mom really know how to pick them. You've done well, Koraline. And, you, My Flower, I picked you."

Oh, the stupid humor of a couple.

"How are you with heavy-lifting? Mom was saying that she wants to take out all this in here the carpet can be cleaned. Well, you're just a little girl, leave the heavy lifting to the men. How about you two move what you can?"

"Alright." I invisibly wipe the sweat from my forehead. I was scared to think that I was gonna have to heavy lift. I can't. In my current physical state.

"Just move it to the lobby and eating area. Don't block the doorway though."

"You got it, Babe."

I turn around before I get sick of the lovey-dobey scene. They take a few minutes to themselves, but I begin in the move what I can. The desk chair, the paintings from the wall, the trinkets and things from on top of tables and shelf units go into the now empty milk crates and stacked into a booth seat.

After that, I'm allowed to leave. I depart with only minor paper cuts and possibly a blister.

"Hey, Mom. I'm leaving now. Is there any way possible that you could bring Trin to the house? I am so tired."

_"Yes. That's fine."_

"Thanks. You're the greatest."

_"I know."_

"Oh, ha ha. A round of applause to the funny woman. Bye, Mom."

_"Bye, Sweetheart. Love ya."_

"Love you." I hang up and head home. This job is really close to home. Not even 5 minutes, but there is no way I'm gonna walk in this bitter cold weather. There will be a little time before they get here, so once I'm home I take a shower. And, when I come back down the couch lovingly cradles me.

It's too quiet. It's not comfortable. There needs to be some noise. I got too used to constantly having James sing, but thankfully its another thing that Trinity picked up from her daddy.

* * *

"Mommy!" I must have fell asleep, because I seem to wake up to Trinity standing beside the couch. I smile and grab her up.

"Trinity."

"Hi, Mommy." She sits on my chest.

"Hi, Baby." I sit up and stand with her on my hip.

"Thanks, for watching her, Mom."

"I love it. I love her. And, I'll just come over tomorrow morning. You don't have to bring her over. We're gonna go meet up with one of my friends and this is on the way."

"Oh. That's good."

"Yes. And, I brought you some dinner. You need to keep healthy and full of energy."

"Thank you."

"I hate to be invasive, but I'm concerned. Have you seen your doctor yet?"

"No, but I will soon."

"Alright. Do let me know, I won't keep you long. I know you're tired. I love you, Sweetie." She kisses the top of my head.

"Goodnight, Mom. Love you."

"Goodnight."

I take my angel up the stairs and change her into pajamas, then we get into bed together.

"Mommy."

"Yes, Baby?" I pet the hair above her ear.

"Where Daddy?"

"I don't know, but you need to get some sleep. You and Mammy have a big day tomorrow." I hold her close.

* * *

**_/Flashback/_**

_"People say I'm the life of the party because I tell a joke or two. Although, I may be laughing loud and hearty; deep in side I'm blue. So, take a good look at my face. You'll see my smile looks out of place. If you look closer, it's easy to trace the tracks of my tears."_

_"And, that the song you choose to sing to our daughter?" Kora stands in the doorway of the room with their bed and their baby's crib. Though, she hardly uses it. _

_"Bella, I did not know you were home." He turns around with their awake daughter laying in his arms, bouncing her slightly. "And, you have to admit, I rock that song. Or, soft rock it." He smiles and makes his way over to her._

_"You do." She kisses him then lays her head on his should to look down at Trinity._

_"How was work, Baby?"_

_"It was fine. How was school?"_

_"It was good. And, we won our game tonight."_

_"Oh, no! The game was tonight? I'm so sorry."_

_"Don't be. It's fine."_

_"I wanted to. Plus, Mama Knight and Ms. Mitchell just ate up the time that they got with our beautiful baby." James sweetly kisses her forehead and continues to bounce her. _

_"Let me know when your next game is. I definitely wanna be there."_

_"Will do. If this little girl ever gets to sleep." _

_Trinity is now 2 months old. It's kind of hard, but Gran also helps a lot. Since she can't really leave the house, she enjoys the constant company. It's also good for her. We love that she has taken such an interest in our daughter, when not any other person in our families has. I hold her for a little bit as we talk. _

_"How about you sing my song?"  
_

_"Anything for my girls."_

_"Let me shower first."_

_"Okay. And, Gran is asleep, so be quiet." I pass Trinity back to James.  
_

_"Alright." _

_It takes only a few minutes for me to get through the shower, and when I return James is laying on the bed. Trinity lays on his chest and one of his arms supporting her body while the hand texts. I crawl into bed next to him. _

_"Did you hear it rain last night? I've always loved that sound. Wish I could drop it in my pocket and carry it around. It's so easy to forget just how peaceful life can be. Why do I go chasing rainbows? There's one right over me. It makes you wanna slow down and get your feet back on the ground. Hold onto the one that you love. Thank the Lord above. Take a good look around; makes you wonder what the rush is about. When you're feeling what I feel now, it makes you wanna slow down." I lay my head on his shoulder as he sings lowly. Trinity holds onto his shirt and I hold his hand. His thumb pets over my fingers._

_Never in my life have I ever felt more complete. The serenity that flows around us can be only compared the feeling of twilighting. When you're almost asleep but not quite there. The extreme peace you feel there. This is the fully conscience version. _

_"I love you, James." I quickly kiss his cheek._

_"I love you, Koraline Arabella." He kisses my lips. Our daughter, however, is fully asleep. His free arm goes around to my back and he smiles. Probably about to sing something._

_"And I will take you in my arms. And hold you right where you belong til' the day my life is through. This I promise you." _

_Bingo._

_"I've loved you forever, in lifetimes before. And I promise you never will you hurt anymore. I give you my word. I give you my heart. This is a battle we've won and with this vow, forever has now begun." _


	11. What You're Looking For

"Bye-bye, Baby Girl. See you tonight. I love you."

"I love you, Mommy." She gives me a kiss as I buckle her in the car seat.

"Have fun. Be good for Mammy."

"She always is." My mom calls my attention from the front seat.

"Mommy, is you going to work?"

"I am. I'll see you tonight."

"Okay."

"But, here's your moose. Be good. I love you."

"I know you do. You tell me everyday." She smiles. (Yes, you guessed it. Just like James.)

"I have to make sure you know." I tug her toboggan on her head to make sure her ears are covered.

It takes a few more minutes to finally let them go. I guess you can say that I'm dealing with some separation anxiety at the moment. I had today off from my first job (the car shop), but now I got the diner to go to. There is no uniform yet, just dress warmly and in something that I can move around in.

At the time I arrive, a dumpster truck is towing off old supplies. When I go in, I'm told the office carpet is cleaned and that the furniture can be moved back. That's the first task. Going off memory of what a messed up office looked like isn't the easiest. It's not fun either.

"Did you hear? As soon as the new appliances get tested, we'll be open for business. And, of course, the food delivery. That should mean that by this time next week we'll be busier than a bee in a hive!" Brenda follows me as I wipe dust and dirt off the counters and table around the restaurant.

"I can't wait."

"Oh, just wait until you meet Jerry's brother and father. They're the main cooks. And, his Aunt Bonita too. They make meals that would make Chef Ramsey go nuts. But, dessert is my specialty. Do you cook?"

"A little. Nothing than would deem good enough for customers."

"I'm sure you're not that bad. What do you make?"

"Salads. Beignets. I enjoy making desserts. And, my daughter's personal favorite, mac-n-cheese."

"Your daughter?"

"Yeah. I have a daughter. Trinity. She's two years old."

"You have a daughter? You're how old?"

"Seventeen."

The cogs of her tiny brain spin. It seems almost forever before she looks at me again. Everything from the ceiling down has been scrubbed, and from the remodel this doesn't even resemble the same diner.

"Oh my goodness. Do you know Jennifer Knight?" She asks.

"Yes."

"She totally worked here until a week ago. Did you date her son's best friend?"

"Yes." My hair falls in my face as I bend down to tie my shoe.

"OMG! I've heard do much about you! Jennifer talked about you all the time. You're the one who had the baby!"

"I am."

"What was their names again? Her son and his best friend."

"Kendall is her son. James was my boyfriend, but they have two other best friends; Carlos and Logan."

"Yeah. Yeah. They all hit some major audition and went to L.A.! So, exciting! So, do they call?"

"No."

"Your boyfriend doesn't call? Not even to check on his daughter?"

"No, he doesn't, but thanks for reminding me." I shake my head and clench my fists. I know that I'm just in a mood.

"Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything. I would never try to rub that in. I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap."

"I totally understand why you did. It has to be rough. Is there anything we can do to help?"

"I just really need this job. I don't want pity. I will do my job, just don't let me go."

"I have an idea. Tomorrow, in order to get the machines and appliances working, we're gonna have a big meal here. It's a family dinner. To celebrate. Bring your daughter, I'd love to meet her. Will you come? It will be a lot of fun. Please, come. It will be a good way to get to know each other a little better before we begin working."

"I'll think about it."

"Well, let me give you my cell phone number, just in case you need anything." She walks over to her purse, takes out a piece of paper, and writes on it before returning to hand it to me.

"Thank you."

"Would you please come tomorrow? It will be a blast, we're gonna plug in the jukebox and that usually leads to some hilarious stories and there's tons of food. Just come and eat your little heart out."

"I'll definitely give it a thought."

* * *

_**/Flashback/**_

_"Come on, Baby Doll. Eat up." Koraline holds a bottle to Trinity's lips, but she pushes it away. She's been like this all day. Well, ever since James left for school this morning. It's really not fair how much she loves him. _

_The more Kora try to get her to eat, the more she fusses._

_"Is everything alright?" Gramma knocks on the bedroom door, though it's fully open._

_"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to disturb you."_

_"Oh, no. It's fine, Dear. I just wanted to see why the baby was crying."_

_"She's not taking her bottle."_

_"Maybe, she's not hungry. Everybody has those days."_

_"But, I need to keep her healthy. She needs to eat."_

_"You're stressing. Go finish getting ready for work. I'll rock her until James gets home, then he can try to feed her." Gramma nods her head down the hall towards the living room. Kora follow her and hands the little girl over. _

_"There, there." She coos. Kora goes to put her work pants on and grabs her shirt, not quite putting it on yet. When she gets back to the family room, James is there. He's standing and holding Trinity, singing a Christmas carol playfully. _

_"Hey, Babe. How was school?" Kora sneaks behind him and kisses his cheek._

_"Hey, Baby. It was good. Half days are the best. The Christmas party was cool, but I totally ditched early so I could come see my beautiful girlfriend before she left for work. How have my ladies been today?"_

_"She's been fussy. Just fussy. No other explanation."_

_"Awh. Now what's wrong with Daddy's baby girl? Huh? What's wrong with her?" He smiles and of course she smiles and giggles like someone is tickling her with 100 feathers. _

_"Unbelievable."_

_"Don't be that way. She's with you all day."_

_"I'm just gonna get a move on it."_

_"I love you, Bella." _

_"I love you." He kisses Kora's head._

_"Is it alright if I have the guys over to help me wrap Trinity's presents?"_

_"I guess. Just don't make a mess that you won't clean up. Ask Gramma first."_

_"Already did."  
_

_"Okay. See you tonight. I need to get going."_

_James hands Trin over to Gramma and walks Kora to her car. They talk (make out) for a few minutes. She leaves and the guys arrive shortly. Logan and Carlos get baby duties while James and Kendall wrap the presents._


	12. And, I Hope It's Everything

"You look nice today, Trinity. I like the outfit you picked. It's so pretty."

"Thank you."

"You're gonna meet some new people today. And, it might be kind of boring. It's a bunch of grown ups, but that why we brought your backpack along. It has dolls, coloring books, crayons, and a storybook. It won't be long. This is just about my job."

"Your job?" She asks with a high voice from the backseat.

"Yep."

"Daddy gonna be there?"

As the days go on without him, she gets more persistent. I'm running out of ideas of things to tell her. She won't understand the truth, but eventually she will have to know.

"No, Baby."

"Where he?"

"Daddy went on a trip. Like, when he and Logan, Kendall, and Carlos go play hockey."

"Hockey?"

"Remember where we went and it was so cold inside? Daddy was skating on the ice with the guys?"

"Yeah! Go, Daddy!" She laughs and claps her hands.

"That's right. We were cheering for Daddy. You remembered. And, here we are. This is Mommy's work." I pull into the parking lot. It's filled nearly with a dozen or more cars. Just a quick visit to make a good impression.

I park the car and pull my sweater down to make sure that my growing belly was covered and zipped my coat, then got out and over to make sure Trinity is zipped up before walking to the door. Brenda must have been anticipating our arrival, because she is waiting by the door. She unlocks the door and ushers us in.

"Hello, Kora." She smiles. The restaurant is all buzzing with their family and swarming with too many smells.

"Hey, Brenda." I bend down and take Trin's gloves, toboggan, and coat off; setting them over the back of the booth that we are standing next to. As I am straightening her hair and clothes out, Brenda squats down next to me.

"Trinity, say 'Hello' to Mrs. Brenda."

"Hello, Mrs. Brenda." She blushes and tries to look away.

"Hello, Trinity. You are such a pretty girl. It's such a pleasure to meet you." Brenda extends her hand out for Trinity to shake. She looks to me for approval and I nod.

"She won't bite. Go ahead." I stand back up and Trinity shakes Brenda's hand, then attaches herself to my leg. "Sorry, she's still shy, but we're gonna work on that."

"Oh no. It's perfectly fine. She's absolutely adorable. Really. Such a gorgeous child."

"Thank you. She got it from her daddy." I pet my hand over her head as she looks around at the mass of people.

"And, she's two years old?"

"Yep. Her birthday was 4 months ago." Trin raises her arms up, meaning she wants me to hold her. So, I pick her up and balance her on my hip. Kinda awkward placing, see as I have a baby bump now.

"You know, there's some more kids over in the corner. I have a three year old niece that she can play with. She's sitting there, coloring." Brenda points at the booth two tables down.

"Did you hear that, Baby? You wanna make a new friend?" Trinity nods. "Alright. Let's go make a new friend." I pick her articles of clothes up and backpack with my free hand. It only takes a few minutes for the girls to become acquainted.

"Food is everywhere. Just whenever you're hungry, and Trinity too, make a plate. It's all delicious. I recommend everything."

"Well, I don't know if I can eat everything, but I certainly will try what I can."

Brenda takes me around to _everyone. _There is not a single person who is left out. Jerry is a little overzealous to see me again but whatever. The more they like me the better the chances are of me keeping this job.

"You should meet Trinity. She's so cute, Jerry." Brenda hugs her husband. After that, she says that she waited on me to eat, so I make a plate of Mac-n-Cheese for my girl and pick the least greasy options of food for me.

I sit with Trinity and Brenda joins us. Even though, I'm not in the best of moods lately, talking with Brenda is actually quite nice. She supplies most of the conversation.

* * *

_**/Flashback/**_

_"Oh, you are not her favorite uncle." Carlos pouts next to Logan on the couch. _

_"Well, what does this say to you?" Logan gestures to the tiny infant that is laying on his chest, reaching her hands around and patting his cheeks. He makes silly faces at her; rewarding him with a smile. _

_"It says you hog her all the time." Carlos crosses his arms._

_"Hey, hey. You Two, keep it down. Gramma is asleep. And, stop fighting over my daughter. Guys aren't supposed to do for another 18 years. I'm not ready. I've not prepared my You're-Not-Good-Enough-For-My-Daughter speech yet. It's gonna be good though." James says from the dining room table; where he and Kendall are wrapping Christmas gifts. He actually has been working at the store with Kendall for a few weeks, the extra income definitely is needed._

_"Logan says that he is Trinity's favorite uncle, but we all know that's not true."_

_"You're right." Kendall nods. "I'm her favorite. I always watch Barney with her and sing the songs for her."_

_"You only do that when there's a hot girl around. You use her." Logan states, then proceeds to high five Carlos. Kendall murmurs a few comments, causing James to make a small, stifled laugh._

_"My daughter is not a tool."_

_"You better watch it. No one is taking my girlfriend away from me. We are forever. If we have to run away, we'll always be in love. Isn't that right, Sweetheart?__" He readjusts so that she's laying across his arm on her back. She kicks and reaches out for him. He takes her hand._

_"Great, then you can change her diapers." James remarks._

_"Oh no. Carlos wants to be the favorite uncle. He can do that."_

_"Wait, what? Uh no. Kendall has a little sister. He's probably done it before." Carlos defends himself._

_"James is her dad!" Kendall ends the round of pass-the-duty, which ends with all of them laughing. _

_After the presents are wrapped, James takes Trinity to give her a bottle. He sat in the rocking chair with her. Carlos still tries to figure out how to be the favorite uncle. The rest of them make quiet conversation. _

_The door opens, letting a cold breeze over the room. Everyone knows who it is and greets her. _

_"Hey, Guys." Koraline removes her scarf and coat, then sits on the end of the couch by Carlos._

_"What's up, Baby?" James asks._

_"Nothing. At all. Work was a drag. How's things here?"_

_"Pretty good. Uh. Logan and Trinity have made plans to run away together. Carlos won't change a diaper, even if it would make him the favorite uncle. And, Kend-."_

_"Okay. Well, sounds like you all had a fun afternoon."_

_"It was. And, Kora, tell them that I am the favorite uncle. I sing all the Barney songs and such." Kendall says._

_"You only do that when there's a hot girl around." Kora replies, making Logan and Carlos fist bump._

_"Okay. Are there hot girls around when I'm here? I don't think so."_

_"Oh, thanks."_


	13. You Dreamed Your Life Would Be

"Are you doing alright, Sweetheart? You look like you're gonna be sick."

"Yeah. I don't feel too well, Mom." With each word, I feel a little more nauseous and my head spinning a little faster. The bathroom door is open, but the kitchen sink is closer. That's gross though. Man, hopefully this just is going to pass on.

"Ach-oo!" Trinity sneezes.

"Oh, bless you, Baby." My mom takes a tissue to assist her granddaughter. I can't help but to sit hunched over at the table, holding my head. Everything about life is making me feel worse. Light and sound especially.

"Kora, have you felt Trinity's forehead? She's burning up."

"Give me a minute." I push down on the table for support with standing. In the process of walking to the living room, Trinity begins to cough. Oh no. Sneezing, coughing, and fever. I've been blaming my ill-feelings on the pregnancy, but I guess that Trinity isn't suffering from that too.

I enter the room and see her rosy red cheeks.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Yeah. I think we may have the flu or just developing it. I have a bad headache from all the light and sound. I didn't think my aches was because I might be sick. She's having the same symptoms. Do you think that you can watch her while I run to the store, Mom? I don't have any medicine."

"Yes."

"Thank you so much." Despite my physical state of being, Trinity has to have medicine. I get a coat and head out to the store. The weather is bitter cold, terribly freezing. The little supermarket basically is deserted. I take a small basket to gather flu treatment necessities.

"Kora?" My head turns away from the Mucinex and Robitussin.

"Jenny Tinkler." I smile for real. Jenny is a good person. She was one of the few who bothered to keep in contact with me after dropping out; even being a big part of Trinity's life.

"Oh my gosh! You haven't talked to me all week! What's been going on?!"

"I've been busy, got a new job and managing my old one."

"Oh, wow! Keeping busy! How's Trinity?"

"She's sick at the moment. That's why I'm here, but she's alright."

"I really need to see her soon."

"You do. I'm sure that she would like the company." Unthinkingly, I place my hand to my stomach when I feel movements on the inside. Jenny takes my arm and looks at me awkwardly.

"Woah. Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah. I'm fine."

"Oh, I just thought maybe you were not feeling well."

"It's not that." I unzip my coat, giving her a sneak peek. Her jaw hit the floor.

"Is that a baby?" She beams.

"Sure is."

"I had no idea! Wow! And, Jam-. Oh crap. Oh, Kora. Sweetie, I had no idea."

"Please, it's fine. But, I do need to get home to my baby girl. She's not feeling well."

"Oh, yes. Of course. Text me later?"

"Sure. It's been good seeing you, Jenny."

"You too! Oh! Tell Trinity that I love her and can't wait to see her. And, that I hope she feels better."

"I will. See ya around."

"Alright. Bye now." She pulls me into a hug then I gather the rest of the materials, check out, and get home as quickly as possible. My mom leaves shortly after I medicate Trin.

"Come on, Baby. Let's go lay down in Mommy's bed." She whine as I pick her up, but settles down. I carry her up the stairs, lays her down, and covers her tiny body up.

"Nemo?"

"You want to watch Nemo?" I ask. She nods. It's already in the DVD player, so I just have to turn it on. Once in bed, Trinny cuddles up in arms. Not too much longer we're both asleep.

* * *

_***James POV***_

It's been a whole week since I left. It may be called insane, but I'm doing everything I can to prove to every one around me that I'm doing just fine. Whenever I'm by myself and I look at my phone, one of the guys will ask if _She's _called or texted.

While I am trying to be a certain way on the outside; I'm completely different inside. I want to call her. Heck. I want to bring her and Trinity here. They should be here. What am I even doing here without them?

"By the way; great song, Guys. I'm glad you figured it out. Being in there with Gastavo was a nightmare!" Katie sets her back pack down on the table and pulls out her report to rewrite it.

"You should try doing it every day, Baby Sister."

"No thanks! I had to fake admiring him; that's enough."

"But, that was a good song." Logan puts the dishes away from dinner. Mama Knight is downstairs taking the garbage out. Kendall and I are putting leftovers away.

"Any kind of guy you want, Girl. That's the guy I'll be. Turn your whole world upside down." Kendall mocks the original slower version. I finish my part of the duties and go sit in the corner of the orange sectional.

"Yes, I will. Yes, I will." Logan joins. Earlier we were all fighting over the song; trying to decide who would get to sing it to Jo. She's the new, blonde girl. Just arrived today. No, I'm not really interested in her. She's no where as beautiful as my Bella. I mean, no where as beautiful as Koraline. She's not mine anymore.

All this fighting and bickering, if I really wanted any of these girl, they'd be mine. Truth is, I don't want any girl. I want my girls. Being this far from them was never part of my dream.

I open my phone and go to my pictures. At the end, there's just a few photos of the three of us. One of the girls sleeping, one of Trinity's first birthday, and just a few memories that I will cherish. It's probably all that I have left.

"James, you want to pick a movie?" Carlos asks. I shut the phone quickly and look up.

"No. Whatever's cool."

"Awesome! Come on, Kendall! Let's go pick out a movie." They take off down to the lobby to find a movie to rent. How can they be so happy? I'm freaking miserable.

* * *

**_/Flashback/_**

_"James?" Kora pats around the bed when she wakes up without her boyfriend's arms around her. When there's no answer she sits up. When there's no baby in the crib at the end of the bed, she gets up. _

_"James?" She asks in the hallway and kitchen, but it wasn't until she got to the living room that she found her family. They both are asleep on the couch; James stretched out and Trinity laying chest-to-chest with him. _

_Kora quietly reaches to pick up the sleeping infant, but when she begins to, James jolts awake. _

_"Oh, Bella. You scared me." He takes a minute to let his eyes open._

_"You scared me too. I didn't know where you were." _

_"Trin was getting fussy. You were sleeping so soundly, so we came down here and talked."_

_"Oh yeah? What'd you talk about?" Now, Kora has Trinity up in her arms while James sits up. _

_"Just about how beautiful she is. How lucky I am that I get to be her daddy. About how beautiful and smart her mommy is." He wraps his arm around her shoulder as they walk back down the hall. Kora lays Trin down in the crib, then proceeds to bed like James._

_It's only a few brief moments before James is back to sleep, but for some reason Koraline is having a harder time. The moonlight shines just perfectly in on the father of her daughter; highlighting his thin lips, small nose, and perfect face. She can't help but to reach out and touch him. This sort of beauty demands to be touched. A small smile plays on her face. It's just so unbelievable to her that she could be so lucky. _


	14. Plus, So Much More

I stand over Trinity while the thermometer is measuring her temperature. By the mercy of God, I have not caught this flu. The 'symptoms' that I had were just due to a headache.

"Oh. Look what I found." Mom walks up from the basement with a box in her arms.

"Hmm?" I straighten up then place my hand on my back.

"Something you are need of." She puts the dusty box on the arm of the couch and opens the top. "Maternity wear!"

"I was looking for that. James must have put them down there. Thank you. Could you put that in my room?"

"Sure thing."

While Trin is sick, Mom is here to help me clean house. We're just trying to make more room and get rid of anything that we don't need. Filtering out things that are just taking up space.

"How long are you going to wear that shirt?" Mom peers over her glasses at the red and grey plain, flannel shirt. Yes, it's also James'.

"I just don't mind getting it dirty." I shrug.

"Hmmm." She walks away to my room, then the thermometer beeps. I squat down to remove it from her mouth. Only a little bit high, not dangerous, but yet she still is miserable. Another round of medicine and tucking back in, she's gonna watching Cinderella.

I trudge down to the basement; where Mom is already going through another box. Inside, I feel like I'm being stirred about like pot of noodles. The baby is still barely just there, but it feels like it should be a beach ball size.

"Have you been to the doctor yet?" Mom asks. I was unaware that I am just standing there with my hands cupping my belly until she called me out. Forgive me for still being in shock.

"No. I haven't had time."

"Haven't had time? In 3 months?"

"Yeah." I drop my arms and look for something to pillage through. Most of this stuff is just Grammy's clothes and things that no one could get use out of. We picked out things that we wanted to keep then packed them up for Goodwill.

"Don't you think that you should make time?"

"I will."

"Good. I would like to know if I need to knit, sew, or crochet with pink or blue." We both look at each other to smile. Mom has her moments, but overall she's a really good mom. Caught up in the moment, with aid from hormones, I walk over and hug her tightly.

"Thank you for not giving up on me."

"Of course."

"I don't know how I'm going to do this without him."

"I'm not one for sugar coating. It's going to be tough, but I raised one tough and bad-butt daughter. I've seen it myself, not a darn flipping thing that can stop her." We laugh at her G rated statement."But, I'm proud of you. You have been really responsible and mature these few years. You gave up school and your photography dream to be a parent. It couldn't have been easy."

"Nah. I wanted her before I wanted to be a photographer. Growing up, I always wanted to be a mommy. Remember?"

"I do. But, come on. Let's get this basement cleaned out and then we're going to set up an appointment for you. What are you planning to do down here anyways?"

"Well, there's a few rooms and this central area. Maybe these can be the kid's rooms and out here could be their play area. That way if we have visitors, all the toys and such will be out of the way. What do you think about that?"

"Sounds good. Like, their own little world."

"Yeah. Don't you think that would be nice? Keep my upstairs clean and neat and they can do whatever the hay they want down here."

"Makes me wish that you would have came up with that theory 15 years ago."

Pushing on through the spiders and other bug monstrosities, inhuman amounts of dust, and boxes that feel through; we manage to clear out most of the space. It takes forever because we both have to share memories with things we find. Though, we do find Trinity's old crib and baby monitors; bonus. To celebrate our work we order in pizza, except for Trinity. Since her throat is still sore she's stuck with cold jell-o.

There's no way that I am healthily dealing with James being gone. I don't think that it's completely soaked in yet. It's more like a feeling that I feel bad that I don't feel bad.

But, in all honestly, I don't have time to have a break down.

* * *

**_/Flashback/_**

_"Koraline. James. Bring Trinity and come here." Gramma says in the living room. _

_"Alright. Coming." They just finished giving Trinity a bath. A rather Hallmark time actually. As they come down the hall; all three giggle. James carries the baby while Kora makes silly faces. Unaware of what they're blindly walking into. More like, whom they are walking into. It's not until after they sit and look over to Gramma that they see who is standing. _

_"Mom." Kora stands back up and pulls at her hair and clothes. James stands as well._

_"You look well." _

_"Thank you. You do too." On the inside, Kora doesn't doesn't know if she should be happy or worried. _

_"James, nice to see you again."_

_"I'm sure." He replies, which earns him an elbow in the ribs. _

_"A-. And, t-the child? What's her name?"_

_"Trinity Jennifer Diamond. She's absolutely beautiful. Would you like to see her?"_

_"Uh. Oh. Um." Gramma clears her throat sternly at her daughter. "Sure."_

_"Okay." Kora leads James over in front of her mom. They stand apart while she just observes the tiny being that caused them to stop talking to each other. Her first grandchild. _

_"I've never seen anyone to look more like that James than her." She's trying not to be rude or insensitive._

_"Neither have I. Would you like to hold her?" Perhaps Kora is being a little too overzealous. But, since James is already extending the infant out, she has no choice but to take it. It's awkward. She didn't intend on this. _

_"Maggie, what do you think of your granddaughter?" Gramma asks. _

_"Uhm." The only reason that Maggie came over is because that Gramma said that she is too sick for her family to be broken up. She wants all of them together and happy. "She's pretty."_

_"Thank you." Kora feels so bubbily, but James is fuming. How could his Bella let the woman who talked to cruel to both of them hold their daughter?_


	15. Wherever You Are

"I don't possibly think that your belly can stretch any farther!" Brenda hoovers over me while I clean some tables after the diner closed. She's been following me around like crazy. Always wanting to feel the babies move.

"Geez. Thanks. I'm only 5 months."

"I know, but with twins!"

"I know." I hand the pile of dishes to her and she sets them on the trolley. "You seem so crazy about kids. How come you and Jerry don't have any?" I didn't mean anything by it, but I look at her face; it seemed to drop and her eyes shift. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to invade."

"It's not a secret or anything. I've quite got used to the question really. I can't have children. I have to take birth control to regulate my period, I have a hormone imbalance. These cysts will form in my uterus and if they rupture, it's so painful. It's a bad situation, but I know things will work out. We've talked about adopting. It's just it seems like when we would be in a good place to do it; something would happen and we'd have to put it off."

"I am so sorry."

"Thank you, but don't be. There's somebody out there who needs a home; one day I will give that to them."

"That's a real noble thought."

"I guess, I do seem to be clingy to you."

"I don't mind. I actually like the company."

"Are you going to tell James?"

I nibble the inside my cheek for a second then shake my head. "No."

"You think it's for the best?"

"I do." I push the trolley of dirty dishes towards the kitchen. Brenda picks up a straggling few to bring along.

"I couldn't imagine being in your situation. You're a better person than I am. I would call him up and tell him to send some of that rockstar money."

"He would probably do it, but I don't want him to."

"I don't think that you impregnated yourself, either time. Okay. I get that he got the opportunity, but once he settled there; he should have manned up and planned to send some child support."

"If he did that, he'd find out about the twins, and then he'd come back." We pile the dishes in to the soapy water. "It's probably better this way. If he started sending a check to us every month, paparazzi might invade his personal things and track us down. If you think about it, it's like he's protecting us."

"You don't actually believe that, do you?" She looks at my dumbly.

"In a way. I do believe he misses Trinity. His world orbited around her. If he could take her along, he usually did. He loved taking her to his sporting events. Either Ms. Knight, Mrs. Garcia, Ms. Mitchell, or if I was off, I would take care of her during the game, but any other time; he would be lugging her around like a proud peacock. I don't think that anyone could convince me that James will ever stop loving her. Maybe, he'll come back for her one day."

"That would be nice. I'd like to have met him if he's as great as you say he is."

"He's even better. Trinity is his spitting image. She even sleeps like him. One arm under the pillow." I laugh. "Ouch."

"What is it? Are you okay? The babies aren't coming, are they?" Brenda's eyes are saucers.

"No. Just this one right here is moving and it woke up the other one and now they're playing Kick The Kidney or something."

"Ouh! Can I?"

"Yeah. Here. Use both hands to feel them both." I face towards her and place her hands where she can feel.

"How do you keep from exploding?"

"I have no idea!"

We continue on with work. I wash the dishes then she dries them, we refill the condiment dispensers,

I sweep, she mops, then we count the register and lock up.

* * *

_**/Flashback/**_

_**/Way back/**_

_**/Before Trinity is born/**_

_"James, I really don't want to go. Please don't make me."_

_"It's not that you don't want to go, Bella. It's that you don't want to be seen, but I am here to break you out of that shell. Baby, c'mon. It's the last game. We'll come straight home afterward, but I need my girl there for luck." James holds Kora's arm and leans in to kiss her, then rubs her small but prominent belly. _

_"You know, I'm not Buddha. Rubbing the belly for luck doesn't happen with me." Kora remarks, making James throw his head back with laughter._

_"Okay. Okay. I get you, but will you please come with me?"_

_"Oh alright, but we're coming straight home."_

_"Good." He kiss her again. "Go get your coat. Ms. Knight will be here shortly." They part ways for a brief few seconds. James is going to change when he gets to the school. It's better to socialize when you're not in the whole get up. It's a privilege of it being a home game. _

_"Gramma, we'll be home right after the game. We promise." James hears through the house. Most likely in Gramma's room. There's a rocker in there and she likes to sit there while she knits and watch television._

_"Oh no. Stay out. Have some fun."_

_"Ha. Ha. I don't think so. I love you, Gramma. Be good."_

_"I guess I have to call and cancel the stripper that I ordered earlier."_

_"Gramma! You dirty bird!"_

_"Just keeping it real."_

_"Oh, Lord. Stay out of this generation's language, please."_

_"Alright, I love you, Sweetheart. Tell James that I wish him and the boys luck."_

_"Will do." _

_James can't help but to shake his head at the conversation that just took place._

_"Did you hear any of that?" Kora asks._

_James shakes his head 'no', but his smiles burst through and ruined it. "I hope you're like her when you get older."_

_Time passes. Ms. Knight arrives and they all go to the game. Kora sits with Katie, Jenny, Ms. Mitchell, Mr. Garcia, and Ms. Knight. During intermission, James makes his way to Kora. All eyes of the student body on them, it makes Kora feel self conscience and James doesn't care. _

_"How's Baby Diamond handling all the excitement?" James asks. All the heads of the group turn to her._

_"Uhm. Pretty hectically. All the buzzers and shouting are disturbing. There's a lot movement in there."_

_"Oh, Baby." _

_"So, do you know what you're expecting yet?" Ms. Mitchell asks._

_"Hopefully, a baby." James cracks. "But, no. We're still on the outs about our baby."_

_James pulls Kora to his chest for the remaining minutes they have before the game resumes. They talk among themselves. Honestly, the two are too fixated on each other to notice the whispering and looks. _

_"I love you, Baby. Go win for me." _

_"Love you, Bella." He kisses Kora then looks down her belly. "Love you, Baby. Wish Daddy some luck." _

_"Would rubbing the belly help ease you?" _

_"It might."_

_"Go ahead." He gives it a quick rub as they laugh and runs back to rink to get ready._

_It appears that the belly might be indeed lucky. They won the game. Kora is respectful. She knows that this is a big deal for them. It makes her happy to see him so happy._

_"And, now for the my lucky charm." James grabs Kora from behind a presses his lips to her cheek. _

_"I'm so proud of you, Baby." _

_"Thank you. Thank you. How about we go home?"_

_"Is Kendall alright? Katie and Ms. Knight left immediately after the game."_

_"His got busted pretty bad on the glass, but I don't think it'll be serious. Just seriously hurt."_

_"His nose was bleeding an awful lot."_

_"It happens. But, Carlos said that he could give us a lift home."_


	16. I Wanted You To Know That

Time isn't the greatest cure. If anything, the longer he's been gone, the harder I'm starting to cry. The reality of the situation is leaving me broken. As much as I love James, and wanted this to happen for him, I didn't think that the old producer had a chance. Even if he didn't, a modeling agency would definitely take him in. Let's face it, he's probably gone forever.

It's only when I'm in the shower that I even have time to cry. All the rest of the time, I'm either at work or with Trinity. For being seventeen, I'm living the life of a thirty-seven year old. Wake up, feed the kid, get ready for work, take the kid to Granny's, get to work, work all day, to back to Granny's, get back home, make dinner (possibly), get baths done, put the child to bed, do laundry and dishes, pay some bills, and try to get some sleep, now grow two babies at the same time.

James, on the other hand, is living his dream.

I'm not saying that I don't want my children, I love them with my entire being. But, James is responsible too. But, he deserve his dreams. Our children don't serve to grow up without him. He did prepare for this opportunity almost all of his life. I am not prepared to raise 3 children by myself.

What I want is either for us to get together or for me to get over him.

He's most likely having the time of him

"My demons won't leave me alone tonight." I grab my head as I sit in the bottom of the tub with the shower washing down on me. My chest heaves from the sobbing and hands tremble.

It's taking every ounce of my to not actually scream out. The only other time in my life when I was in this much pain was when I giving birth to Trinity. That was physical agony, but so much so that I could not even gather the energy to cry out. This is an emotional agony where I want to feel something. Hoping that maybe I'll become numb.

Every inch of my body aches.

Nothing about life makes sense anymore.

Suddenly, the water turns cold and I have to reach up to turn it off. I push on the rim of the tub and sit there for a minute. The towel is still warm from the dryer. It feels so good against my skin.

"Let me have him back or let me forget." I plead. It's not what I want though. The pain of his absence is just making me crazy. As I start to unwrap the towel from around my body, I catch a glimpse my my left arm. Three different scars. Equal in size and length, only a few centimeters apart.

That's how I used to deal with situations.

James caught me once and never have I ever cut again. It would probably be how I'd have dealt with this situation if he hadn't have left me with Trinity and the twins.

After getting dressed, I head down the hallway. My phone lays on the counter. There's no telling how many times I've pick it up and dialed his number but never hit 'Call'. The shock of dealing with him possibly changing his number might prove too much for me.

* * *

**_/Flashback/_**

**_/Back to Christmas Eve/_**

_"You two need to make amends. For Koraline and for Trinity. They both need both of you. James, you want to be treated like an adult, here's your chance to act like one. Margaret, act your age." Gramma has about just had it with these two bickering back and forth._

_"My 15 year old has a 2 month old. I think I'm qualified to act however I want."_

_"Sorry that you can't accept that fact that we are in love and have a child, that we are taking care of. I don't see what you're big hold up is. We never asked you for anything. Kora just wanted you to be there for her. She never wanted any money from you. She and I have provided for our daughter. Why couldn't you just accept that your daughter just needed you?"_

_"I would have done anything for her."_

_"The time she needed you the most in her life, you left her out to dry. How could a mother do that?"  
_

_"I don't know what you want me to say!"_

_"I don't want anything from you! Kora is the one who needs you to be a mother! Be a grandmother." James stands there, leaving Maggie speechless. _

_"I think that's about it." Gramma speaks up._

_"I'm sorry for the things I said."_

_"I don't wanna hear it. Just go talk to Kora." _

_Maggie departs from the room while James and Gramma have a discussion. The separation only lasts an hour. James helps Gramma to her room then leaves her to sleep then goes outside to wait for Margaret to come out._

_"You're really lucky, James. To have someone who loves you like she does." Is the only thing Maggie says as she passes James on the porch. _

_"I know." He gets up and goes inside. Once the door closes, his chest is plowed in to. _

_"Baby, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have gone that far."_

_"Just shut up. You gave me courage to tell her what I wanted to. I am not sorry for tonight. Thank you. I love you so much." She shuts up when she presses her lips to James. _

_"I love you too, Bella."_


	17. And, Nothing's Gonna Change That

"I've got a few ideas for a baby shower for the babies. Maybe, you won't be hard headed and actually hear them." Jenny crosses her arms over her chest.

"It's sweet, but no thank you."

"Oh. Well, what theme have you got in mind?"

"I don't have one."

"Then why did you turn mine down?"

"I'm not having a shower. I didn't even have one when I was expecting Trinity."

"I know, but it could be fun."

"Jenny. Please, no one would show up for a baby shower for me. Besides, I am reusing Trinity's stuff for my new girl and me and my mom are going to split for the boy."

"Uhm no! I wanna help! You can not stop me."

"I will strangle you."

"You will not."

"I've got to get back to work. Thank you for coming to get Trin. You're a lifesaver. I promise I'll be by to get her as soon as possible."

"She can stay with me all week and I wouldn't care."

"Yeah, but it's your senior year. You have to study. Plus, I'd miss my rugrat. She's pretty cute and I'm pretty fond of her." I squat down and pull her into a little hug then peck her cheek. "Love you, Baby Girl."

"Love you, Mama."

"Be good for Jenny?"

"Yes, Mama."

"Good. I love you. See you tonight." I push on the bench to aid in getting up and watch Jenny pick Trinity up. After releasing my breath and catching my balance, they leave and I return to complaining customers.

The diner stays steadily full and steadily full of dirty dishes. I have to take seat people, take orders, cater to their every complaint and whim, then take the dishes away. Six or more tables at a time. It kinda stinks when you're 5 months pregnant with twins. Don't forget with every group that I sit, they want to ask 50 questions about my pregnancy. It would save time to just make a sign and wear it on my back.

Yes, standing all day does hurt my feet. Wouldn't anyone's feet?

Sure, I crave the food that's being cooked. But, so are you, that's why you're here.

Of course, the babies are kicking. They've been shifted around for 3 hours straight, continuously being bumped into by kids, tables, chairs, and counters.

Customer service is my job, but come on. The repetition is exhausting.

* * *

_**/Flashback/**_

_"Don't be upset with yourself. I'm glad that you stepped up for yourself and me, and for our daughter. Thank you so much. I finally told her that every is scared of her not getting her way. When one person displeases her, every else tries to make it right. It's true. She admitted it."_

_"I just hope that I didn't further drive a wedge between you and your mom. I mean, I got you pregnant and she swore that she would never look in our direction ever again. Standing up to her, shoo. She just must think I live to make your life worse."_

_"No, no, Baby." She chuckles, " Not even close. She said she deserved all that and she would be back in the morning to celebrate Trinity's 1st Christmas with us. But, James David Diamond, you do not make my life worse. You make the sun shine in my world. You gave me that most precious gift I could ever want. I love you, James. With my whole heart."_

_"I love you, Bella." He lays his cheek against her head and smiles. "Our baby's first Christmas and we're not even 17."_

_"Right?" She chuckles too. "We get to be one step ahead of everyone else. Look at it this way, we have a better chance of meeting our grandchildren or possibly our great grandchildren."_

_"I can barely handle our child sometimes. I don't think we should be worrying about grandchildren and great grandchildren. But, that would be totally awesome. Though, we will hope that Trinity or any other future kids we have will wait until they're out of high school, more preferably college, to have kids."_

_"Woah. Woah. Future kids? What makes you think that we're gonna have another baby?" The smile on her face made it obvious of her joking. _

_"Well, not anytime soon, of course. But, you can't tell me that you wouldn't want some more beautiful, little Trinities around here. Maybe, after I hit fame. We can move to California and have a house with the beach as our backyard."_

_"She is really cute, isn't she?"_

_"Yup."_

_"She looks just like you." Kora states, James can't say anything to protest because it's so true._

_"Thank you for giving her to me. I know it had to be scary and hard, but I honestly can't imagine how our lives would be without her."_

_"I feel the same way. And, Gramma gets to be a great-gramma. This is really good for her. She has been acting like she feels better than she has in a long time. So, I guess that some people say we screwed up, but I think we did exactly what we were destined to do."_

_"You were destined to have my baby at 15?"_

_"Yes." They cheekily smile at each other. While they don't have the best of situations going for them; they are able to work through it. Each day they are growing a little more mature without letting go of their youth. _

_They help Gramma to bed and then go their room. Trinity is still sound asleep._

_"Merry Christmas, Bella."_

_"Merry Christmas, James. I love you."  
_

_"I love you too. Good night."_

_"Good night." _


	18. I Hope You Find It

_**/Another 3 months comes and goes. Each day growing closer to the arrival of the babies and unknown another day closer to Griffin telling BTR that their careers are over. This chapter run along with the last episode of the first season: Big Time Concert./**_

***Kora POV***

_"Are you sure? You're a few days passed your due date. You might want to consider a c-section at this point."_ Mom says over the phone.

"I've thought it through and I just don't have time to recuperate from that. It takes too much time and I'm already taking 6 months."

_"If you don't have them soon, you're gonna pop like a balloon."_

"You're telling me. Tristan and Tracy will be here soon enough. I've been having irregular contractions as of late. Then, I'm gonna have my hands full with double the trouble."

_"Well, well. I guess it's up to you. Are you going to work today?"_

"Nope. Trinity and I are making lunch right now and then Jenny is coming over. We're gonna take Trinity to play at the park and have girl's da-." I'm interrupted by a knock at the door. "Hey, Mom. I'll call you back. Someone's at the door. Love you."

_"Love you too."_

I set the phone down in the counter.

"Jenny!" Trinity squeals and claps her hand.

"Trin, tell her I'll be a minute." I help her off her pedestal and she runs off. Being this pregnant with twins, it takes a while to move. I round the corner just as the door opens.

"Daddy! DaddY DADDY!" I hear Trinity scream at the top of her lungs.

"My baby girl." I hear his voice then the screen door creaks open. He scoops her up and holds her as close as possible.

"Daddy! You here!"

"I'm here, Baby." For a moment, they are just them. No one else exists. Words can't even form in my mouth. Everything I know is slipping out of my brain. It's all blank. Help. I'm not sure what to do.

"What are you doing here?" I could face-palm myself right now. James eyes shift to me with and ready answer; but when he actually sees me, he stops short to observe me. More like to observe my belly.

"What this?"

"I'm pregnant." I say with no fault in my voice.

"Pregnant? You're going to have a baby?"

"Duh. I'm not faking it." I state the obvious. You can see the temper flaring in him despite the child on his hip. "Twins, actually."

"So, you're telling me that while I was gone, you just couldn't keep to yourself! I leave, come back, and you look like you're about to give birth!"

"I am! Three days late! You're such an idiot!"

"I'm an idiot?! I'm the idiot?!"

"Yes! You are! How long have you been gone?!"

"Six months!" He shouts and I look at him while waiting for realization.

"I'm nine months pregnant and you've only been gone for six."

"Oh man." He stammers out. Trinity has her arms wrapped around her daddy's neck with her face over his shoulder. "Why didn't you tell me? You should have. I wanted-."

"No. You don't get to do that. You just don't. **_You _**didn't want for a single thing.** I **wanted you to be here for me. You should have wanted to be here for her. She cried and screamed for you! There was nothing I could do until she wore herself out. Exhausted from crying. But, I also had my share. I had to do this without you. I need you. But you weren't here."

"I didn't know."

"I don't care! You walked out on both of us! You left us!"

"And, I'll regret it until the day I die. I thought of you every day. I dialed your number so many times."

"Nothing stopped you from going through it, but you."

"I know that, but-." James stops. "Are you okay? You're really flush."

"I'm fine." I shake my head and shift my weight to the other foot, stepping in something wet on the floor. We both look down.

"Seriously?" Kora sighs. James sets Trinity down to help Kora. "Don't touch me, James. Trinity, will you go get my phone from the counter?"

"Yes, Mommy." She runs out of the room. I walk past James to go get a towel to clean up the floor.

"Don't talk to me like that. I didn't know anything about this. You can't blame me for not being here when you didn't tell me. All you had to do was talk to me. That's all."

"If you weren't going to stay for the child we already had, why would you stay for someone you hadn't even met? Do you know how low down that sounds? So trifling. She wanted you so bad. She cried for hours and hours. If you left someone who loved you, you'd leave someone you hadn't met. Two someones, actually. Don't you dare say if I told you that I was pregnant, what difference would it have made?"

"It doesn't matter how mean you talk to me, you are still having my babies and Trinity is still my daughter. Say whatever you want to me, I'm still not going anywhere."

"Shut up." I twist the towel when a contraction happens. James takes another and goes to clean up the puddle, leaving me alone. In the other room, Trinity's mouth runs at a mile a minute.

"Is mommy okay?"

"Yeah. You know that you're going to be a big sister?"

"Is the babies hurting?"

"Not quiet, Baby Girl."

"I love you, Daddy."

"I love you too. Let's go see if we can help."

Their voices get closer. I brush my hair then braid it. James appears in the doorway with Trinity still on his hip. I don't believe that she's ever going to let him out of her sight again.

Right now, I'm pretty sure that my temperature is one hundred nine degrees.

"You think you're ready for the hospital?"

"No. I need to call Mom so that she can get Trinity."

"No need. The guys already said they'd do it."

"What did you tell them?"

"Emergency. Need someone to watch Trinity."

"My mom still needs to come to be with me."

"I'll go with you."

"I'm not asking you to."

"You don't have to. I am going whether you want me to or not. I will be there, in the room, holding you hand. Bite or claw me, I don't mind. I mostly likely deserve it for doing this to you. Not just meaning that I left you pregnant, but I left you and Trinity at all. I asked so many times if it would be possible for you two move out there, but since I haven't actually settled in, they said it wouldn't be a good idea."

"Right now, I really don't care." I walk by him again, going to the bedroom to get the bag I packed for the hospital.

"So, twins? How lucky is that? I mean, I'm sure you don't feel like that lucky right now, but that's pretty impressive. Do they have names?" He asks. Kora can't tell if he wants to know or if he secretly hopes that he can name one.

"The boy is Tristan James. The girl is Tracy Jane."

"You're naming our son after me?"

"You are his father."

This unbelievable smile takes his face and Trinity follows his lead.

"Trinity Jennifer, Tristan James, and Tracy Jane. I love it!" He lifts his princess in the air and kisses her cheek.

* * *

_**/James POV/**_

"Come on, Bella. This is it. Come on." Her hand grasps so tight to mine as our second twin enters the world. While I'm all smiles, she's not feeling the best after 14 hours. Our boy is born first. He snugly rests on his mother's chest as our second daughter is being cleaned up.

"They're beautiful, Baby. You did real well." I compliment.

"Mh hmm." She nods stroking Tristan's nose. About 10 minutes later, a nurse walks over to us, handing Tracy to me. Simultaneously, there's a knock at the door. Another nurse looks to us and we nod. Slowly and timidly, Trinity's head peeks around. She's holding Logan's hand and walking towards us. Kendall, Carlos, and Maggie follow them.

Logan lifts Trinity to the end of the bed, both of her parents holding a baby.

"You have a baby brother and baby sister now." Maggie speaks up. Trinity isn't sure what to think. Kora passes the baby boy over to Logan so that she can talk to Trinity about what's going on. James hands Tracy to Kendall.

"Well, welcome to the family, Little Fella." Logan smiles down at Tristan.

"Trinity, your little sister is pretty cute. Don't ya think?" Kendall turns to where she can see.

Okay, maybe we're a little wacky and doing we do everything in reverse at high speed, but this is my family and I love them dearly. There's no question. No matter what, wherever I go, I will never leave them behind.

* * *

_**Buh! Buh!**_

_**The End.**_


End file.
